Random Things Part 2

It has been the worst weather I’ve ever experienced in France.  And I’ve experienced biting wind that pierces your toughest winter jacket, snow up above my boot-tops (in the Alps), suffocating fog lasting for days on end, and grey dreariness that clouds your soul.  But I have never experienced this all-encompassing heat that sucks every bit of energy from you within minutes of feeling its nasty breath.  In central Illinois we complain about the humidity, but here the laundry dries on the line in an hour, even jeans; but the air still manages to feel heavy and oppressive, and storm clouds threaten on the horizon.  I would live in the basement if I could, the only place that’s marginally cool in the house.  There’s no air-conditioning.  André and Ginette don’t even own a fan; Ginette said she didn’t want to waste money on one, since they’re only useful for a few days a year.  We open and close windows, doors, and shutters, avoiding the light, trying to find a whiff of breeze.  It’s been like this for almost two weeks.

My mother- and father-in-law are both fairly progressive, modern people.  They have email, a cell phone, a GPS.  But what is always surprising to me is their old-world beliefs and habits.  The drafts, for example; if you get a cold or bronchitis, it’s because you were sitting in a draft.  And god forbid if you should sit in a draft with a wet shirt!  It will most certainly kill you!  Even doctors advise their patients to avoid drafts!  In 2013!  So when we sit at the table in sweltering heat, we can’t open certain windows or doors, because it will create a deadly draft.  So we cook in our own sweat.  And for some reason, it’s not good to sit under a walnut tree, either.  They give off toxins that are terribly bad for you.  (I’ll readily admit, I can’t grow a garden under my black walnut tree, but the only ill effects I’ve noticed by sitting under one is the hazards of squirrels and birds with unpredictable aim.)

Then there are the moon phases.

Everything grown under the ground should be planted in a waxing phase, and above the ground in a waning phase.  Any surgery or intervention should happen in a waning phase, lest you have complications or infections.  A full moon can be responsible for anything from bad weather to insomnia to irritable pet behavior.  In turn, storms are announced by biting flies, stinky dogs, and the arrival of tiny biting insects that I don’t know the name for in English.

Indigestion of any sort is most certainly a sign of a liver affliction.  In fact, many expressions that we have in English about being “sick to your stomach” can be translated into French as being “sick to your liver.”  I guess in a place where there’s an aperitif before lunch, wine with lunch, a beer in the afternoon, an aperitif before dinner, wine with dinner (or often hard cider and wine in this region), then sometimes a digestif of eau de vie, the brandy made with apples or peaches or pears, affairs of the liver should not be taken lightly.

I’m sure there will be more random observations in my last two days in France, plus more about touring the local haunts during Amy and Stefaan's visit last weekend, but I’d better sign off for now; I’m sitting in a draft.

 

Amy's family, cousin Marie-Claire and her husband Joël, and my in-laws sitting at the table; see how we're sweating?